By far one of the worst months of the pandemic for me. Beyond lonely- I don't see anyone except Ash and one other adult only occasionally and it's tense, at best. My assistant is my favourite person to actually spend time with, but we're both working and half-focused and conversation flows, but it's not quite the same.
In the spring and summer I was seeing so many people (albeit, outside and still with fear), but for the past couple of months it's been almost no one. And strangely, I don't feel the urge to contact anyone. It's cold. I'm miserable. I have nothing great to say. I'm biding my time until March or April when temperatures rise and I can go on a walk with someone safely without walking on opposite sides of the street yelling at one another.
I really miss companionship. I wish I had a best friend here like I do in NS. There, I cook dinners, make delicious mojitos, go on walks, talk about old house stuff, talk about the future. Here, even after ten years of being in this city, I do not have that. For most of the time I've lived here I was solo parenting + running a business + travelling every weekend to do shows. Add in the hustle and anonymity of Toronto and damn, it's no joke. Building any kind of relationship was very, very difficult. And then when I stopped working so much/the kid got older/shows stopped, it was the pandemic and I was more alone than ever (and forced myself to be, in order to keep us safe). I keep waiting for my life to stop feeling like it's on pause.
I have friends. People who check in, and I check in on. I appreciate them. I love spending time with them when I get to. But with omicron looming, I'm laying low and feeling even lower.
6:47 p.m. - February 02, 2022
Recent entries:
Solo - July 02, 2023
"TRAUMA" - June 23, 2023
Fini. - June 17, 2023
Climbing - March 27, 2022
01 2022 - February 02, 2022
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
narcissa
unclebob
quoted
mrpopo
unresolved
itsmylife
tinok
bevanandjen
leftunspoken
lauralgood
argyle-socks
verdulero
anamlabodis
amysloss
methybeth