I'm on my 10th week in The Gambia. This weekend I had my very first taste of ure shock.

Hallowe'en party. White people and locals combined. Drinkers and Muslims. A bit awkward, but still fun.

I drank. Quite a lot. The North Americans [ew. a big, big, big fat cricket just crawled on the floor beside me. he's missing a leg. why isn't he ?] [what worries me more is that he's dissapeared. where did he go??] took off to my house and drank and talked about stuff that we probably would normally talk about when we were home.

It was fun. I felt a bit more normal than usual.

At about 1am, we decided to go out to the touristy part of The Gambia. We ended up in air conditioned bars full of white folk dancing and being loud and making out on the sidelines. Totally normal "home" stuff, right?

I looked at them. They were on vacation. They looked at me. I might as well have been on vacation too. I was grouped into the tourists because of my white skin. I being a tourist. I feel disgusted at the idea/the fact that people travel to far-away places *just* to do the things they did at home. I never understood this.

And I saw my ure in a totally different light. And I didn't like what I saw. I have no real reasons why I didn't like it. I keep writing sentences about why I didn't like it and then erasing them because it's not really the way I feel.

They are obnoxious. They were there because it's cheap. They were mean. They didn't know that I lived there.

I think the problem is... is that I'm one of them. I don't like being one of them. Truth is, I like to drink, I like to talk about , I like to spit and smoke and wear raunchy clothes (on occasion), I like to do everything that those people like to do, I just don't like to admit it (at least not here). I could see myself in all of those people, and I am not used to doing that. I don't think I'm the same person here as I am at home.

I don't know what the hell I'm trying to say. I'm scared of the ure shock I know I'm going to experience when I get out of here.

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Here?

relax. take. your. time. hello. how. are. you. how. is. your. family? i. make. $300. a. year. but. i'm. still. happier. than. you'll. ever. be.