It's weird to go an entire two months without connecting to a single person.

At home, I don't have a lot of friends... I find their social habits (smoke pot, smoke pot, and smoke pot) annoying and immature. I find most of them uninspiring and selfish and close minded. They're happy working shit jobs and being in unhealthy relationships and wasting their days.

Why would I want to surround myself with them? I have no idea. But they're still my friends. They still know how to have a good time at parties, they still know how to make me laugh... but do I miss them? No.

Not in the slightest.

Here, people talk alllll the time. They talk about themselves, totally wrapped up in their own lives, and for some reason, that whole "howwasyourdayhowareyoufeeling?" things is much, much worse here. People need to talk, I end up listening.

I listen. I listen. I listen. And this is fine, I really don't mind... but when that's all I do, it really makes me sad. I want to TALK to people! I want to talk about how much I miss my boyfriend. I want to talk how my 19 year old brother just admitted that he's an alcoholic. I want to talk about how excited I am to leave here and travel with Peter. I want to talk when I'm having a bad day.

But it's a one sided relationship with nearly everyone I know. No one really gives a shit about me, no one asks me questions, there are no *conversations* (which I think is a key word), they talk, I listen.

I write pages and pages and pages in my paper journal every single day. I have no one to talk to. No one who knows me AT ALL. They know my name (though most don't know my last name), they know I'm Canadian and I'm VSO. Everything else is a mystery.

I miss having a best friend that I can talk to for hours- and be interested in them as much as they're interested in me. I miss getting to know interesting people, and have them want to get to know me. I miss late night talks with people that I've known for years and therefore can talk to about anything I want to.

I miss connecting with people- which I haven't done here yet with anyone. Too wrapped up in their own lives.

It's a selfish place to be.

I long for the nights when I can have him near me and feel safe and secure. He's my anchor, even though I haven't heard his voice for longer than 20 minutes in the past two months.

This is a sad, sad place to be sometimes.