I've pinpointed it.

I'm not scared of the next couple of years of my life. I'm scared about what happens when I reach my 30s.

And that's stupid.

If I'm going to worry about my future, I should only worry about what I can control. And I know I can control the next several years and my level of happiness, because I know exactly what I want.

I know what I want out of this relationship I'm in, I know what I want out of my Self, personally. What is going to happen years from now is something that I'll be able to control then, not now.

And so. I'm calm.

I'm calm because I know I have achievable goals and I understand what it takes to make me happy. I feel very fortunate that I found someone that knows what they want and also has realistic dreams and who wants to spend time with me and make sacrifices for me and to make ourselves happy.

In a couple of years, I'll re-evaluate what is important to me, what I need to make me happy, and that's fine. Chances are, the things that make me happy when I'm 23 aren't going to make me as happy when I'm 33.

Phew.