It's been nearly three weeks since I left.

I hate long distance relationships. That's why I never do them. Ever.

I pick up and leave whenever I want to. I don't like having things tie me down, drag me down, when I go off and start a new life for myself.

So, (usually) no matter what, I stop whatever relationship I'm in.

Until this one.

And we sat and talked almost every night about where we saw "Us" going. And he saw way before I did that we could have a future. I asked him jokingly one day, within the first two weeks or so of our relationship, "You don't really think I'm the one, do you?"

And he looked at me with all honesty and said, "You know Alice, I do. I think I've got more faith in us than you do." And I nodded, because it was too soon to tell and I wasn't sure how I felt, and dating him was fucking weird because for three years, I'd convinced myself that I was going to marry his older brother.

But this time, I decided that it would be worth it to try to stay together, despite me being half way across the world. I said to him, "I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it was a long term thing." He agreed. Before me, he's purposely fall for girls who were going away so that it didn't have to get too serious, so that there didn't have to be any bad breakup or badguy- they were going away, and that was the end.

**

I don't really know how to act in long distance relationships. I write him emails and take pictures to show him my life here. I text message his phone and sometimes he texts me back.

But his emails are few and far between. The only real source of communication between the two of us, and he doesn't use it. This, though, he warned me of. "I don't use my email very often, Alice. I check my email like, once a month."

I told him that I expected at least one email a week. He agreed to that.

And although I've gotten more than just one email a week, it's not enough. I can't force him to write me more, I can't force him to tell me things I need to hear, I can't force him to start liking to email me.

So, I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. Ty, my bestest bud ever, who happens to be in love with me, and whose heart I'm breaking, stays up until 5am just to talk over AIM with me. He writes me emails and instant messages on IAM. He's so fucking nice to me, he's so fucking perfect to me, and I can't understand why he'll do that, but my boyfriend won't.

So, I told my boyfriend that I can't go on without communication from him anymore. I need to hear how's he's doing and what he's thinking about. I need to feel like his girlfriend. Because right now, I don't.